Revisiting the story of my old apartment last night really got me mulling over my beliefs about life after death. I've hit a real fork in the road of my theories over the past couple of years. I heard a really intriguing quote (from a television show amazingly enough) that said the closer you look at something, the more you lose your faith in it. That statement really hit home for me. You'll find that most science-minded people tend to not have much faith, living in a world of facts and reason. I've found that of myself, but certain things in my past collide with reason, making me question everything I know.
When I was younger, I believed in life after death without a shadow of a doubt. I never believed in a singular God or heaven or hell but I always had faith that there was something waiting for us at the end. The experiences I had in my apartment only solidified my faith.
As I grew older however and the story of my apartment faded to a memory as opposed to a reality, I learned more and more about the universe and the creation of each of us. I slowly began to lose faith in anything after death and lived my life day to day, expecting nothing. I remember the day that was the pivotal turning point for my faith. I worked in a veterinary clinic as a kennel hand and that day I helped with my first euthanasia. Still believing at that time, I expected something to happen when the dog passed. I obviously wasn't expecting to see bright lights or floating spirits but I at least expected to feel something. There was nothing. One minute the animal was alive, then it was gone. It was on that day that I lost my faith entirely. We really do just die and that's all.
But if we do just die and that is all, how do I explain my past experiences with paranormal activity? I have thought many times that I may have had a nervous breakdown or even that I worked myself into the story that a ghost lived in my apartment that I began to honestly believe it and live in it. If it weren't for my family members and even others in the community I didn't know at all to confirm my experiences, I would be quick to explain it as a mental hiccup. It would almost be easier for me to fall back on that reasoning rather than be questioning everything I thought knew. I can explain a breakdown and make peace with it.
Try as I might, I still just can't believe that there are ghosts, spectral beings, walking around and living among us. If I don't believe in an afterlife, I can't believe in ghosts. So what was it then? Recently I've come up with a theory that caters to my factual mind. We've found that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed or redirected. humans are a buzzing hub of energy so when we die, that energy has to go somewhere. What if the energy doesn't end up going anywhere but instead ends up jumping around searching for a new host, landing itself in buildings, objects and even people leading to a belief in paranormal activity. People feel this over abundance of energy, what still fells like the energy from a human being, and assume it is the person's ghost or spirit. My theory is far fetched, I know, but it's the only way I can explain everything I have been through without having to revisit the prospect of faith.
It would be nice to have faith in life after death and I completely understand why people do believe it. There would be no reason to fear death knowing that there are only more adventures to come. It would be a very comforting faith to have. I would be quick to believe, being the optimist I am, but I have looked too closely at the world too many times to remain having faith in anything without solid, scientific proof.
I don't live my life with a complete lack of faith, however. I've made my own type of religion to have faith in. I leave my life in the hands of the people around me. I have faith in them making the right decisions and taking responsibility for everything they do. When people say that something happened for a reason, I believe that, but not in the same way they do. It did happen for a reason because every single decision anyone has ever made lead to this very moment. It's almost like and enormous ripple effect, a chain reaction of decisions that molds everyone's life into the daily routine they know.
I'd love to hear from anyone about your thoughts, beliefs, or anything really! Feel free to contact me privately as well ( I understand these types of topics can be touchy). Thanks for reading and diving into my mind!
my email: cookie_monster_002@hotmail.com
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